Stress, stress, & more stress
Practicing awareness around your relationship and experience with stress.
I’ve been thinking about stress a lot lately and how to better manage it. I had an aha moment the other day and thought to myself, "Oh, the stress is still here." Let me back-up a little bit. Until this past year, I've been working diligently toward finding security for myself, as we all do. I've been telling myself: Once I get into graduate school I won't feel stressed anymore. Then it moved to once I get through graduate school, I won't feel stressed anymore. Then, once I quit this community mental health job I won't feel stressed anymore. Now, I'm here working for a private practice where I have a lot more flexibility and time to recharge, and yet the stress is still here, albeit a little less so, tapping me on the shoulder with its sinister little grin whispering, Don't forget about me.
I guess I didn't take enough into account that life is hard right now and meeting certain milestones isn't exactly going to make life easier, just challenging in a different way. So many of us are trying to keep afloat, you know with a global pandemic, political unrest, soaring inflation rates and rent costs, stagnant wages, and so on. It seems like when one stressor eases, another pops up, like a wack-a-mole. Again, this was a great moment of introspection for me. How can I better relate with - and work with - my stress so that I can be more present and enjoy my life more amidst a chaotic world riddled with uncertainty? That's the ultimate question right there.
Another layer to this is developmental or complex trauma. For folks who grew up in a chaotic household and did not feel safe in their environment or felt that there was no one there to protect them, it is easier for their bodies to switch on that stress response - fight, flight, freeze - and to struggle with regulating their emotions (a term known as emotion regulation). That said, for those who struggle with complex trauma, present stressful situations or life experiences can thrust us right back to the past, like a nightmarish time machine, eliciting how our past selves felt or coped through those traumas in real time.
Awareness that stress can be compounded from past traumas is the first step. With the help of my lovely therapist, she helped me cultivate this awareness. I also learned about something called the Window of Tolerance. The window of tolerance is one's state of calmness, a state where we feel emotionally regulated, and how easy it is for our bodies to switch to hyperarousal (flight or fight) and hypoarousal (freeze). Some people have smaller "windows," which can be dependent on context and how well we are taking care of ourselves. If I’m back in an environment similar to one where a trauma(s) occurred, my window of tolerance will likely be smaller. If I didn't get enough sleep the night prior, my window of tolerance will also likely be smaller (and more irritable) than it would be if I were rested.
Now, with this awareness, I'm working on learning new stress management skills so that I can widen that window. So far, I have found diaphragmatic breathing to be helpful, making sure I'm breathing in through my belly and imagining my belly pushing back toward my spine as I breathe out. The longer the out breaths, the better. It felt really funny at first, but the more I practice, the more I'm feeling the difference.
Even the way we think about stress can impact our stress! Check out this TED talk on the benefits of befriending stress with health psychologist Kelly McGonigal.
This is an excellent infographic on the Window of Tolerance and how to recognize when you’re in hyperarousal or hypoarousal states.
What have you tried to do to better identify and manage your stress so you can be more present and content in your life? Let me know in the comments below if you'd like!
Thank you kindly for reading :)
Persephone